


Splintered Heart

by storyteller94



Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, It's going to be sad for a bit, Mentions of Mental Illness, Multi, Slow Burn, but it does get better, mentions of mental health, mentions of past trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:47:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25232614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storyteller94/pseuds/storyteller94
Summary: Katia became friends with the turtles during high school after they saved her. She became particularly close to Leonardo and while the feelings between them were mutual, Leo's insecurities and his want to try and keep her safe keep him from being able to admit that. Instead he breaks her heart before her high school graduation, after which she leaves over seas for college. When she comes back into his life unexpectedly six years later, he finds his feelings for Katia stirred back up. Can he win her back and make up for his mistakes? Will she let herself trust again and give herself the chance to hope for any relationship between them? Only time and patience will tell, but the rest of their friends desperately hope they can move forward and work through the pains of the past.
Relationships: April O'Neil/Sunita (TMNT), Leonardo (TMNT)/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 5





	1. First Heartbreak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This flash back chapter takes place four years after current canon, the rest of the story will take place ten years after current canon. Just a little heads up!

New York, August of 2022, Friday 8:42 pm

Katia looked up at her clock, counting the minutes until she could head out to hang out with her friends below the city streets. Today was the day, she was finally going to take April and Raph’s advice about just telling Leonardo how she felt. She hoped it was the day anyway, she’d met the turtles and April three years ago during her first month of freshman year and ever since then she‘d always found herself drawn to the blue clad brother. He’d always made sure she felt included and important as part of the group, he had even been the one to suggest her knowledge of medical techniques would be useful considering how often they found themselves in a fight. On top of that Katia saw parts of Leo that other people didn’t get to normally, she knew how he worried no one thought he was capable at coming up with plans or how he put on a brave face even when he felt like he was going to fail. She had seen him cry before, after a mission that had gone sideways and two of his brothers had ended up pretty seriously hurt. He may not be the leader, but he always took responsibility for his brothers, especially when he felt that his own inabilities or mistakes were the cause for the damage.

These were all things that eventually helped her decide that she needed to tell him how she felt, because he needed to know that outside of friends and family he also had someone who was there to support him and care for him unconditionally. Between knowing that the two of them shared a closeness and, as stated previously, both Raphael and April said it was pretty obvious there was something between the two of them, Katia had decided she was going to just tell him. She felt good about her chances and was feeling confident, like there was nothing that could keep her down at this moment. Katia found herself looking up to the clock one more time, swearing quietly under her breath as she realized her ride was probably already downstairs. She grabbed up her bag and water bottle, double checking that she had her phone and the charger, and then bolted downstairs. Just as she got to the bottom of the stairwell, her phone’s text tone went off and before she even looked at the screen she knew it would be from April, letting her know she was outside her house. 

Katia was almost out the door scot free, until she heard her mother call for her from the living room.

“Passerotta! Where are you headed out to so quickly without saying goodbye?” Her mother said, smiling as she saw her daughter peek around the corner, “Surely my soon to be graduate can still spare a moment for her poor mother.”

“Mama!” she replied, exasperation in her voice, “You know I love you, but we still have to stop for snacks before movie night.”

Despite her tone of voice, she moved across the room to her mother and leaned down to hug the woman, pressing a quick kiss to her mom’s forehead. The two of them laughed, her mother pulling her down to press a kiss to Katia’s cheek and then gesturing for her to go on.

“Alright cara mia,” she chuckled, “Have a good time. Don’t stay up too late and don’t eat too many sweets.”

Katia nodded, “Of course mama, I’ll be well behaved. Don’t worry so much.”

With that she was finally out of the house, skipping down the front steps and then making her way around the volkswagen passat and getting into the passenger side seat. 

“So you ready for the best movie line up ever?” April grinned, “Or to finally get that chance to talk to our esteemed Leon?”

“Tonight’s the night O’neil,” she replied, “That turtle is about to be so wooed.”

The two teens laughed, their conversation shifted to small talk about the week, talk about Katia’s upcoming graduation, April’s frustrations with her mythology professor and, of course, their movie lineup for that evening. The two young women had to stop by the bodega nearest the entrance to the lair, pick up last minute snacks and drinks, then head down into the sewers. As she joked with her friend in the aisles of the small store, Katia felt like the only place her night could go from here was up.

If only she knew what was really going to happen.

<3<3<3

While the girls were up top grabbing their extra snacks and drinks, the turtles were getting ready down in the lair, moving more blankets and pillows into their designated movie watching room. Mikey left off to the kitchen once they’d done that, getting together the refreshments they did have down here already and Raph started to move around all the cushions, pillows and blankets so that they were arranged comfortably. Donnie was getting the movies ready and lined up to just play one right after another, which left Leo to wander around and do as little as possible before the evening's events. He checked in with all of his brothers to see if they did actually need any of his help, but was shooed away every time. Which meant he had time to kill before their friends made it to the lair. That meant he had time to think before everyone got here for the night.

April had been their friend since she was in middle school, but Katia had come into their lives three years ago when she had started her freshman year at April’s school. The two had become quick friends and of course, while mutants, yokai and mystic beings weren’t uncommon they didn’t like involving normal humans if they didn’t have to. That hadn’t worked though, as Kat had ended up being kidnapped by one of their enemies who recognized April as a part of their group. Some small time creep, one who wasn’t even really a blip on their radar but he’d decided he wanted to be in the spotlight. He’d meant to grab both April and Kat, but had only ended up with the tiny Italian girl. This had led April to come get all of them to rescue her, which in turn led to Katia becoming a pretty big part of their little group. It had been nice, especially since she was pretty knowledgeable on first aid and wound care. 

What Leo hadn’t been prepared for was how close he would get with Kat, with how much they would get to know about him and vice versa. He couldn’t understand how she was always so understanding and she never judged him for the things he felt were wrong with him or mistakes he had made. Katia had seen him cry and still didn’t think less of him, but maybe his own insecurities were just outweighing the logical arguments in this case. His brothers and his father were constantly reminding him that even if he didn’t think he deserved love or praise from the people around him, that didn’t mean he wasn’t worthy of it. If someone thought he was worthy of their affection, then that was their choice and he wasn’t going to be able to change their mind. If he did manage to make them change how they felt, it was likely the result of something he might regret later on. In his mind it didn’t matter if he liked Kat or not, being that close made her more of a target and meant he would have a known weakness. It was better if he never let himself hope for that.

The sound of laughter pulled him from his thoughts and he looked up just as both girls walked into the lair, arms full of snacks and drinks for the evening. Just seeing the short Italian teen made his chest feel tight, her soft chestnut brown hair waterfalling over her shoulders in soft waves. Soft grey eyes met his own bold blue ones and she smiled at him, bright and sweet, a smile he wishes he could see more often. 

“Look what the Kat dragged in.” Leo grinned, shooting April finger guns, “Get it, because her name is Kat and she dragged you in.”

The older woman snorted, “You know it ruins the joke if you have to explain it right Leo?”

“I don’t know April, it was still pretty funny,” Kat giggled, passing off the plastic bags to Mikey in the kitchen, “Besides let him have this one, we’re watching mostly thrillers tonight and he’s not a huge fan.”

April rolled her eyes, but the fond smile let him know she was just poking a little fun. She moved to pass off her own bags to Mikey, saying something to the younger woman that he couldn’t quite catch. Whatever she said had Kat’s cheeks flushed a dark red and he felt a small spark of irritation, one he promptly squashed. He had no right to feel jealous. 

“I think Raph’s got seating sorted out by now KitKat,” Leo grinned, offering his arm to her dramatically, “Shall I escort you up to the viewing room?”

Another bout of giggling as she slipped her arm through his, “I would love it if you escorted me up mirtillo.”

He grinned, leading them up to the second level, happy to keep their everyday just like this. It was more than he could ask for and he was fine with that, just getting to have someone like Katia as his friend. What he didn’t know was that she didn’t want to keep things like this anymore.

<3<3<3

Movie night was a big success, outside of Mikey, Leo and Raph practically crawling behind the other three at one of the spookier movies they had picked out. April, Mikey and Raph headed down to clean up the kitchen and put away leftover refreshments, Donnie was busy taking the tech back to his lab, which left cleaning the media room to Leo and Katia. There was a bit of joking and banter back and forth as they cleaned and put the seating back. Kat knew this was the best time to go ahead and say what she had planned, no one was likely to interrupt them and she’d get the chance to talk to him one on one. He was always more genuine when he didn’t feel the need to posture in front of others.

“Hey, uh, Leo.” she said, stumbling over the words, “I need to tell you something.”

He arched an eyebrow, leaning against the wall and smirking, “So you did jump at the last movie didn’t you?”

“No,” she laughed, “I didn’t jump, sorry but I’m afraid that was just you.”

“Well if you’re not admitting to that then what is it you need to tell me?” He mused, “I know it’s easy to want to tell me all your secrets but you should keep-”

“I love you.” Kat declared, getting the words out before she backed out, “And I don’t want.... I don’t just want to be friends anymore.”

Time itself seemed to stop in that moment, he could see the flush spreading across her cheeks as she waited for him to reply, to react at all. Leo opened his mouth and then closed it again, because what was he supposed to say to that? He’d just been thinking to himself about how this kind of change in their relationship was a bad idea and dangerous. He had one option, especially if he didn’t want the target on their back getting any bigger than it was and that meant having to do something she wasn’t going to like. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He replied finally, crossing his arms and waiting to see her response.

“What?” She asked, “What do you mean? April and Sunita date and it’s fine!”

“Well it helps that they both feel the same for each other.” He stated, lips pressed into a thin line, “So there’s that.”

He hated watching the realization in her eyes, but he knew this was better for both of them. Right?

“I… but we’ve shared so much.” She whispered half heartedly, “Leo... “

He shook his head, “Of course we share things, we’re friends. I’m sorry if I ever gave you the impression otherwise, but we both know I’m a terribly big flirt.” 

Another moment of silence, the pain becoming more blatantly obvious on Katia’s face, although she didn’t say anything else.

“I hope that clears up any misconceptions you had KitKat.” He said, maybe a little more smugly than necessary. She mumbled something in reply, but he didn’t hear it. 

“I’m sorry what was that?” He asked nonchalantly, like he hadn’t just walked all over her heart and emotions.

“I said don’t call me that anymore.” Katia snapped, “and yeah, it’s crystal clear to me now. I should have known better than to think I was special..”

She left the room, nearly knocking him over in the process, but she didn’t cry. Not in front of everyone, not in front of him, and not until the next day when she made it back home. April had asked if everything was okay, but she just told her friend she had chickened out. The older woman took it as she was just frustrated with herself, which was better than her knowing what really happened. Katia couldn’t believe that he had meant everything he said last night, she knew him and he wasn’t like that. Or maybe she just thought she knew him and she had gotten her hopes up, thinking that for once someone saw her as special and unique. She spent the next week working through the sadness, a new emptiness having crawled into her chest. 

Katia finally came to her decision about college this week, now that she didn’t have the one thing she had hoped she would. She had almost chosen her third best college, just to stay close to the turtles and April, although they had encouraged her to go for what she really wanted. Instead she put in applications to the first two colleges on her list, Oxford and Cambridge, because not only were those going to give her the best setup for after college work, but the distance would be nice now too.

He’d made his choice and now she made hers. The only thing left to do was follow through. 

< / 3 < / 3 < / 3


	2. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katia makes it back to New York after being gone for six years. While her homecoming is a little bittersweet, Kat finally feels like she's home again being in the city.

New York City, September of 2028, Tuesday 3:24 am

Over the last six years Katia Aquila had kept in contact with some of her friends from New York while she was in England for college. Mostly she’d stayed in touch with April and her girlfriend, Sunita, as well as the turtles, although her interactions with Leo were minimal. Everyone has taken that as her regretting never telling the blue clad terrapin how she felt, but just a year after Kat had left for England Leo had told them what really happened. From what Donnie had shared they had all given their brother quite the talking to, but he hadn’t budged on his stance and still stood by what he had said that night. For Katia it was just confirmation that she had made the right choice to go to her ideal college, instead of limiting herself for someone who didn’t care. Her time at Cambridge had been filled with learning and meeting other people as determined as she was, not to mention she’d done a fair bit of networking as well. She’d finished her bachelor’s degree in four years and had spent the next two working at a rather charming little bookstore in London. It had reminded her of her favorite store back in New York and the owners had been incredibly good to her, even allowing her to work on her first novel in the backroom outside of her work schedule. The store’s cozy break room was one of the few places she had found it easy to focus on her writing.

When the owners had told her they wanted to open a new branch of their store back in America they had asked if she would be willing to head it up for them. Katia would know how to deal with customers over there and they even wanted to open the store in New York City, an area she already knew well by heart. She almost hadn’t taken them up on the offer, but it would be a waste of all her networking and hard work if she didn’t grab this opportunity. Which is how she ended up waiting for a cab at three in the morning in a very empty LaGuardia Airport, hoping that the hotel she was staying at had a Starbucks nearby. Between the time difference and how hard she had napped on the flight here, she was going to need caffeine so she could get her internal clock back on track. Katia hated having to stay in a hotel, but it was very temporary as she had three apartments to look at this week already. Her furniture and any non-necessity belongings were being shipped from England so she wouldn’t see them for another week or two, but she wanted to have somewhere to put them when they got here.

It didn’t take too long to flag a cabbie down, get her bags in the trunk and finally get the ride to her hotel. The drive itself was only twenty minutes, give or take, but it felt so much longer than that. Maybe it was the fact that she hadn’t seen the city in so long or that she was secretly feeling like she was finally home again, but the cab ride felt a little like one of those dreams where you’re afraid to wake up and find out it was all fake. Kat had missed New York, she’d missed the people she had left behind, even Leonardo. The rest of her senior year after his rejection had been a nightmare. Several of her friends from school turned on her for one reason or another and the others told her they couldn’t put up with her weird mood swings anymore. Anytime she’d ended up at the lair was awkward at best and felt like she was the lead actress in a bad play at the worst of times. Her grandmother’s illness also took a turn for the worse just before she graduated and she died just a couple months after she had already left for college. She’d often looked back at his rejection as the beginning of a very poorly timed streak of bad luck, not to mention she’d been struggling with very personal issues on top of that, the kind of things she hadn’t told anyone. 

Her first year of college had been rocky, but she had pushed through it and things started to even out, Kat had even managed to make a few friends from her writing classes. While it had been a bit of a shaky start, the next three years of college went by quickly, with Katia really finding her footing as a writer and a business woman. Between networking events, working for the Blue Jay Bookstore and working on her novel she had been quite busy, not too busy for friends but too busy for any suitors chasing after her. Not to mention that try as she might, she still couldn’t bring herself to really feel like she was past caring about him and what part he would play in her life. Katia would never tell him that though, he may be a ghost looming over her love life but it’s not like she was ever that interested in the people trying to date her. Being back in town was going to stir things up she knew, but Kat had worked too hard for too long to let it stop her. 

The hotel receptionist let her know that while there wasn’t a coffee shop, the little corner store at the end of the street was open twenty four hours and made a decent cup of joe. Katia got her bags up into her room, deciding she would put things away after she had caffeine and food in her body. A twenty minute trip to the store and back later, Katia had a steaming cup of hazelnut coffee, a pre-packaged turkey sandwich, small bag of chips and two apples. She moved between the bags and her food, putting clothes away and taking bites between drawers. After that she got toiletries put away in the bathroom, followed by getting her laptop set up on the small desk in the corner of the room. Once the bags were emptied and their contents put away, Katia finally settled on the edge of the bed and finished off her sandwich. 

The woman couldn’t help but smile, because despite everything, getting to sit here in her hotel with convenience store food, she felt more at home than she had in years. This was where she wanted to be and this was where she was going to stay.

< / 3 < / 3 < / 3

It had been five days since Katia got back to New York, she’d already looked at all three of her new possible places of housing and was currently filling out the paperwork for one of them. It had been the second building she had viewed that week, a charming little set of apartments that weren’t terribly far from some of the parks and, luckily, was close to the building that was being remodeled for the new Blue Jay Bookstore. A lucky find if she’d ever seen one, even luckier because it wasn’t actually that far from her parent’s house. Katia finished signing the paperwork for the apartment and placed it back in the folder the man at the apartments office had given her and placed it on the desk. Her phone’s ringtone went off from her pocket and she pulled the small device out to check her messages, lips turning up into a small smile as she read the contact name.

“April O’Neil, I was wondering when you were going to call me.” Katia grinned, “I left you that message three days ago, I’m a little hurt you took so long.”

The other woman’s laughter on the other side of the line was music to her ears.

“Listen here little miss Kitty Kat, we both know between helping Sunita out at her bakery and trying to help the guys out when I can, that I’m a busy woman.” April replied, the snark evident in her voice, “Besides I’m trying not to let the turtles in on you being back just yet, figured that would be a fun surprise for three out of four of them.”

Of course, the spitfire New Yorker was still spending a large portion of time down at the lair and was probably trying to make her homecoming as good as possible with the least amount of awkward moments involved.

“Well I guess I can’t be too upset about it in that case.” She said, “So do you think you can make time for a meal with an old friend sometime this week? It will be a lot easier to catch up in person.”

There was a moment of silence before she heard muffled talking between April and who she assumed to be Sunita, as it sounded at least vaguely feminine. After a few minutes of back and forth, the voices became more audible and less muffled.

“Yeah, Su and I have wednesday night off, why don’t you come to the house and we’ll make dinner?” O’Neil offered, “That way we don’t have to try and find somewhere to sit and order from on a busy weekday night.”

“Sounds good to me, it’ll be nice to have a home cooked meal with other people as my first proper dinner.” Kat hummed, “I’ll pick up dessert and something nice to drink on my way there.”

“Just make sure you don’t buy anything harder than cider, Su is a lightweight.” April snorted, “Wine would also be fine, but nothing too sweet.”

The woman chuckled, “You got it Chief. I’ll see you two on Wednesday.”

“Yeah, we’ll see you then.” The older woman said, hesitating before adding on, “And Katia, it’s really good to have you back.”

“Yeah, it’s good to be back.” 

< / 3 < / 3 < / 3 

One final mirror check before she left the hotel room, Katia had to admit she didn’t look at all like the nerdy little brunette she had been when she left. Not that she ever thought she was ugly or anything but she certainly hadn’t been first on anyone’s list of potential girlfriends. Katia had gained confidence over the years and had even changed her appearance to better fit her personality and how she wanted to express herself, which had caught the attention of many people. She had to admit she did look pretty good after getting the chance to do what she wanted for herself and feeling like she was her own person.

Her hair was kept shorter now, stopping just below her jawline and colored a vibrant emerald green. It was a nice compliment to her soft grey eyes and ivory skin, alongside the hair change she also had more piercings than before. Two lobe piercings and four cartilage piercings, two hoops and four studs with star shaped topaz in them, along with a simple labret in her right eyebrow. She also had two tattoos which were relatively visible, depending on her choice of outfit. Tonight only the one on her collarbone was visible, a line of vines and roses that went across the full length of her clavicle. It had been her first tattoo and she had gotten it because after her heartbreak with Leo she’d decided that being a rose was in her best interests, so it was almost a warning for people trying to get too close. 

“Damn I forgot how different I looked the last time I was here.” she chuckled to herself, “And no one here really pays attention to my social media, so this might be a shock for some of them.”

It was odd to think she might not look all that familiar to her own friends, people she had once spent almost all of her time with. Well, Katia didn’t have time to dwell on that, she had a dinner to get to and she still had to stop by the store on her way there. One more look into the mirror and adjustment of her off the shoulder sweater and then she was headed downstairs to try and flag a cab. One cab ride and a stop at one of the small convenience stores on the way later and Katia finally stood outside the door of April and Sunita’s house. She knocked on the door, shifting the cake and wine to her other arm, humming lightly to herself as she waited for them to answer the door. 

The clicking of the door unlocking and opening had her back to full alert, a smile spreading across her lips as she was greeted by the slime yokai in disguise.

“Looking good Su!” She exclaimed, already being pulled into a hug by the woman, “Also, don’t take this the wrong way, because I love you, but this cake and the wine should probably go into the fridge.”

“Oh! Right, come in, come in.” Sunita said, ushering her into the house and closing the door behind her, “You can go ahead and take everything into the kitchen and get everything put away. April will be down in a few minutes, she just got back from the gym a little while ago.”

Kat nodded, doing just that and getting the things she’d brought put into the fridge, perking up when she heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Katia barely made it around the corner before April was picking her up and spinning her around in one of the most bone crushing hugs she had ever had.

“Look at you! I know you said you made some changes while you were in England but damn girl, you look good!” She stated, finally putting the shorter woman down, “The singles of New York better look out, you’ll have their hearts in your hands if they're not careful.”

Kat laughed, “Unfortunately for them I’m not interested, not unless they’ve got connections to a good publisher.”

“Use ‘em and lose ‘em huh?” April said jokingly, “You’ve been back for a week and a half and you already sound like a proper New Yorker again.”

“Give me a glass of wine and I’ll sound like a New Yorker who never left the city.” 

< / 3 < / 3 < / 3

The plates on the table were all empty and the wine glasses were not far behind, all three women laughing and reminiscing about days long past. 

“I meant what I said over the phone, it’s good to have you back in the city.” April smiled, “It felt a little less colorful and full with you gone. Not to mention the only one who could even pretend to patch people up like you is Leo and his bedside manner is severely lacking.”

Katia snorted, “That doesn’t surprise me. Let me guess, he still has the bad habit of using too much medicine and tying his bandages just a bit too tight.”

“Something like that.” the other woman nodded, “He’s a little better these days but I know the boys would happily take you back as their go to nurse in a heartbeat.”

Kat’s smile faltered only for a moment and if her two friends didn’t know her well enough they might not have caught it, but neither said anything about it.

“We’ll see, I have to wait for the remodeling to be finished before I can open the bookstore.” She mused, “I’ll have some business meetings to deal with but if I’m available I suppose I can help if necessary.”

“You don’t have to, but like I said I know the turtles will appreciate it.” April replied, “And speaking of, if you’re up for it, I do think a little surprise get together could be fun. Especially since Mikey’s birthday is coming up soon, you showing up would essentially be an early birthday present.”

Sunita nodded, “Oh yeah! That would be great and we all know Michelangelo would appreciate you coming back as a big deal.”

The idea of going down to the lair after all these years was a little much to think about right now, especially with nearly three glasses of wine in her, but Katia did miss the turtles. Seeing Leo would be awkward and maybe a little painful but seeing Donnie, Mikey, and Raph would be totally worth it. 

“I do want to see everyone, but… give me some time to think about it?” she asked, “The rest of my stuff gets in this weekend and I’ll be moving into the apartment finally. I’ll let you know how I feel after I get settled in. Sound fair?”

Both of the women nodded and April spoke up again, “Yeah, take all the time you need. Just let me know when you decide.”

“I will April.” Katia nodded, “And thanks for this, now it feels like a proper homecoming.”

< / 3 < / 3 < / 3


	3. Leo's Lamentations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonardo thinks back on the last six years and how he wishes things could be different now.

Leo sighed, pulling himself from the bed that definitely wasn’t his, not even looking back to see the individual he’d fallen into bed with. This wasn’t as common as his brothers always made it seem but he found himself in stranger’s beds more often than he liked, more often than he imagined even. Every couple of weeks he’d find some new club to go to, pick up the prettiest person in the room and woo his way into their home, only to leave before they ever thought about waking up. He had tried dating properly those first couple of years, but none of them ever felt like she did. None of them were Katia.

Eventually he got tired of trying to find someone who would ever make him feel the same way that she had, which led to where he was now. He stopped dating and started having flings, hoping that at some point he would move past these old feelings. It didn’t help, nothing did. So instead Leonardo spent these evenings with his flavor of the week and then woke up feeling guilty and ashamed of himself. The only person he’d been able to talk about this with had actually been his father, Splinter had plenty of experience with running from his feelings and actions he regretted. The old man had been understanding and told him before all this that trying to fill the empty space with someone else wouldn’t help. His father was surprisingly wise and helpful when he felt like it.

Once the blue clad terrapin had his belongings gathered and any clothing he’d worn put back on, he left quietly and without a trace. The poor fool he’d come home with wouldn’t know where he went and it was better that way. The New York streets were as quiet as they ever got, here in the early morning hours just before the sun would be coming up over the horizon. The relatively quick journey back to the lair was calming almost, it certainly gave him time to get himself back together before having to put up his front to everyone. It was almost like a mask he could take on and off at this point, more or less just a part of his life. He hoped one day he wouldn’t need it, but right now it’s what kept him moving forward instead of stuck in the past.

Either way it was his own fault, his own bullheadedness in thinking he knew how to deal with the situation back then. In the years since then two of his brothers had gotten into long lasting relationships. Raph had a boyfriend, Trax, someone they had saved from Big Mama’s Battle Nexus and a mercenary of sorts. Mikey had a girlfriend, Willow, who was a veterinarian and had saved their hides by tending their battle wounds on more than one occasion. The two of them made it work despite everything and even if from time to time Willow and Trax got into a little bit of trouble, it never scared the two off. Leo had been young and thought he knew better, thought he was handling it appropriately. He’d learned a lot more over the past six years. Like how much it hurt to have someone completely cut themself from his life, to have the sudden absence of someone who knew things he didn’t let anyone else see.

He’d thought so many times about trying to reach out to her, to try and mend the bridge just a little bit, even if they only ever stayed friends. It would be better than not having Katia in his life at all, or only getting to see her interactions with everyone else around him. Instead he’d been a coward, too afraid to try and reach out, remembering how angry she had been before leaving for college. Remembered how hard it had been every time the two of them had been alone, how she’d ignored him if no one else was around for her to pretend in front of. She’d kept her own mask up until he’d finally spilled the beans about what happened, which finally gave her the chance to be open about what had happened. She seemed to do a little better after that, making friends at college, getting her new job, and actually finding new ways to express herself. He watched from afar, until she blocked him on her social media, but he was just happy at that point to know she was doing better.

He took a moment to pause his train of thought as he slipped inside the lair, quietly moving through the common areas and then into his room. Luckily for him it was unlikely he would be needed early on in the day so he could get a few more hours of sleep.

“Can’t keep doing this to yourself Leo.” He mumbled to himself, “It’s not good for your pretty face.”

The joke was lost on him, mostly a jab at the fact that he wore a persona on the outside to keep everyone from seeing… well everything underneath. Ironic, since he pushed away the one person who had seen all of it and still cared for him, had even loved him once. Leonardo’s family obviously knew all these things about him as well, but it’s a very different feeling when someone outside of the tight knit group accepts him the way that he is. He shucks his clothes from the evening before, going through his usual clean up routine for after a one night stand and finally passing out on his bed. His sleep was a little restless, thoughts still on Katia and his dreams replaying old memories, as if taunting him. The week could only get better from here right? It couldn’t possibly get worse and he couldn’t get more unlucky, he might consider it divine punishment at that point.

< / 3 < / 3 < / 3

His usual routine starts back up after he wakes up, just after noon, with a shower and then followed by a trip down to the kitchen for food. Sometimes he’s lucky enough that Mikey left enough extra for him and everyone was nice enough to make sure not to eat it themselves. Fate is in his favor this morning, there are leftover bacon and egg sandwiches on the counter, saran wrapped and already on a plate. Leo can’t help but grin, today is already looking up. He unwraps and reheats the sandwiches, which were probably much better fresh off the oven but his younger brother’s cooking can’t really be beat, so even leftovers taste good. It’s definitely better than his back up meal, which could have been cereal or frozen pizza, and he’s grateful he didn’t have to resort to that.

He eats breakfast in relative silence, although he can hear Mikey and Donnie in the living room playing video games. He can just barely make out the sounds of Raph and Trax in the training room, mostly because when two big burly dudes have a spar it’s hard not to hear anything at all. After his poor sleep and bad dreams this return to the routine was nice, a pleasant reminder that things were different now but bearable. He could deal with this, he could manage his mask and make it through the day if he had his routine to fall back on.

The rest of the day went on much like this, he switched out for his twin and played against Mikey for a while before Raph and his boyfriend joined them. Leo did his own training routine a few hours later, joining his brothers for dinner after that and then heading up to his room for a little bit of time on his own. He was enjoying the latest comic issue of Jupiter Jim, one of the interests he’d kept over the years, when his phone started to go off with message notifications. He chuckled when he realized it was their group chat, unlocking his phone to look at the messages and expected to see something about hanging out or their next movie night. What he saw instead was not something he expected to read in a hundred years.

[April]: So you guys won’t believe who's back in the city.

[April]: I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen her last night.

[April]: Katia, she’s apparently going to be running a new book store near Central Park. same owners as the place she worked at in London.

[April]: she wants to plan a meet up to see everyone!

[McMike]: WHAT!?!?!?

[McMike]: That would be awesome! It’s been way too long since we’ve seen her in person. Or like, at all.

[Nerd Lord]: I have to agree, it’s been too long. I honestly don’t know if I’ll believe you without seeing her for myself.

[Nerd Lord]: I was pretty sure even if she came back, she’d never want to be near Leo again.

[The Face Man]: Look we don’t have to pull my mistakes back up right now.

[The Face Man]: Although I am surprised she wants to plan a get together.

He was more than a little surprised and honestly just thinking about a reunion made his stomach churn.

[Teddy Bear]: Well regardless, it would be really nice to see Kat again.

[Teddy Bear]: Seeing her posts on twitter is great but it would be great to see her in person.

[April]: I’ll let her know. She is hesitant about being down in the lair again but she wants to try.

[April]: So don’t make it awkward Leo.

[The Face Man]: Yes, because I do that on purpose.

He sighed, putting his phone on it’s charger and setting it on the nightstand, well there went his nice, routine day. Or week. Here’s hoping this didn’t add to the weird dreams he already had.

< / 3 < / 3 < / 3

Leo would have no such luck, having more dreams surrounding Katia and his fear of their next meeting going very poorly. Needless to say he felt like shit the next morning, tired and anxious, finally seeing himself look like he felt. Normally it was easy to put on his usual face and act like everyone expected him to, but this morning he couldn’t even manage to joke with himself in the mirror. The turtle walked himself through his morning routine, washing his face and getting himself cleaned up before stepping out of his room. One look at his phone told him he’d missed a continued conversation in the group chat after he’d set his phone aside. He quickly skimmed over the messages, reading that they were planning this little get together for the upcoming weekend and that April and Sunita would be doing most of the planning, but they needed the lair cleaned up before the meeting.

Great, more things interrupting his usual routine. He should be glad Katia even wants to try this, but all he can really process is that he’s suddenly got the world’s biggest knot in his damn stomach. Leonardo knows he should go downstairs and eat, but he’s lost his appetite. Raph will likely make him eat, because he does need to, and his older brother is very good at calling him out when he tries to lie about things like that. Which means he’s got to go eat something, if for no other reason than to not worry anyone. With a sigh, he headed downstairs to the kitchen, finding he would have to make his own food today. He opted for cereal, deciding he could probably handle making himself eat that. He took his time and ate slowly, having to stop once or twice when his stomach churned just the wrong way.

With his first meal of the day out of the way, he went straight to the training room and ignored the odd looks he got from his brothers. Two hours later and he was struggling to get back up and continue his sword swings. He pulled himself back up and leaned against the wall, taking deep breaths and steadying himself. Before he could move to continue his training he felt a hand on his shoulder and not one belonging to any of the other turtles. When he looked back he saw his father, eyes full of concern and his brow furrowed with worry, even though no question was asked between them he knew what it was splinter would ask him.

“I don’t know if I can face her again.” He whispered breathlessly, “I don’t know if I can have her ignore and drop me all over again. I’d deserve it of course, but it hurt bad enough the first time.”

Splinter nodded, “I understand, but it would seem the decision has already been made. You will have to brace yourself for seeing Katia again and to possibly deal with her anger and sorrow. I cannot tell you how to do that, as it might be different for everyone, but facing this now will help with some of the guilt that remains with you.”

His father was right, but that didn’t mean he liked it or felt like he was ready for it. Of course if he went by his own feelings, he might never be ready for it or to finally deal with the real issue.

“Well, I hope you’re right about that at least.” He nodded, straightening himself back up, “Even if I don’t feel ready, I don’t have either options, not unless I want to make even more of an ass of myself.”

The rat mutant nodded, “I see some of my talks have gotten through that thick head of yours. You really are too much like me in this aspect and I’m sorry you’ve had to learn these lessons the hard way like I did. You are stronger for it though.”

With that his father gave him a small smile and left the room, leaving him standing there and thinking about what he could do to help get himself ready for the weekend. He needed to talk to some people, talk to his brothers and for the first time in six months he should probably call his therapist as well. She’d told him it was okay to take a break, but still he felt like a bratty child for walking out the way he had last time, upset because he didn’t want to hear what she had to say. He’d have to set aside his pride and ego on this one, Leo needed the help and support in order to be a little more prepared for seeing Kat again, especially if he didn’t want to mess up this possible second chance he was being given.

All he could do was give it his best shot and do the hard work needed.

< / 3 < / 3 < / 3


End file.
